Whoever tells you that Lebanon knows anything about art house films and books by suicidal novelists is bullshitting you. It brings me so much pain to say this, but it’s the ugly truth. For example, no one knows anything about really obscure bands. There’s a select few of us who wish that it was not the case, but unfortunately it is. Seriously. It’s like they’ve never heard of Pitchfork.
The majority of Lebanese people (minus the select few who I can’t mention because then you’d know about them) are mainstream.
The majority of Lebanese people identify with their love of Jounieh-based pop stars.
The majority of Lebanese people fear one another, and cannot coexist with each other. This is mainly due to the fact that they drive like crazy people.
The majority of Lebanese peoples’ opinions diverge, and they do not respect the opinion of others. Which totally isn’t the case anywhere else in the world, because, you know, all you need to do is look at YouTube comments to see how much people respect eachother all over the world.
The majority of Lebanese people secretly wish that the other party would suffer and die. For example, there’s this guy who stole my parking spot at the mall the other day, and I totally wish he would die.
The majority of Lebanese people believe they cannot exist together without an external sponsor to protect them in case one party decided to exterminate the other. Sponsors like Jack Daniels and Russian Standard Vodka who take advantage of our geostrategic position.
The majority of Lebanese people have no independent thoughts or positions.
The majority of Lebanese people are hairy.
Yes, I believe I can safely say this, because they are.
Look around you! Beards, goatees, mustaches, backs.
Go back in history; they never had a word of their own, it was always hairy person sponsoring another hairy person.
Today, names may have changed, but the reality is the same.
And given the circumstances, I believe it is highly unlikely that they will change.
So, I’m saying it simply, Lebanon is not a sovereign state and the Lebanese are not free people. They never were and never will be. Unless…
The only parties who do not have external sponsors today are the Hipsters. Because they like obscure local brands that make alcohol that tastes like cat piss.
They are the only parties who own their word and it is up to them to save us all.
It is no longer a debate that the country’s confessional political system is the major source of malice and conflict. The only salvation is a secular and civil state whereby all Lebanese from all sects can wear skinny jeans and look good doing it.
Only the Hipsters can do it.
Only the Hipsters can demand this secular and painfully pretentious state.
Only the Hipsters can save Lebanon.
Note: This is a response to this absolutely horrendous article by an ignorant person ‘Only The Christians Can Save Lebanon’