Only Hipsters Can Save Lebanon

Whoever tells you that Lebanon knows anything about art house films and books by suicidal novelists is bullshitting you. It brings me so much pain to say this, but it’s the ugly truth. For example, no one knows anything about really obscure bands. There’s a select few of us who wish that it was not the case, but unfortunately it is. Seriously. It’s like they’ve never heard of Pitchfork. 

The majority of Lebanese people (minus the select few who I can’t mention because then you’d know about them) are mainstream.

The majority of Lebanese people identify with their love of Jounieh-based pop stars.

The majority of Lebanese people fear one another, and cannot coexist with each other. This is mainly due to the fact that they drive like crazy people. 

The majority of Lebanese peoples’ opinions diverge, and they do not respect the opinion of others. Which totally isn’t the case anywhere else in the world, because, you know, all you need to do is look at YouTube comments to see how much people respect eachother all over the world. 

The majority of Lebanese people secretly wish that the other party would suffer and die. For example, there’s this guy who stole my parking spot at the mall the other day, and I totally wish he would die. 

The majority of Lebanese people believe they cannot exist together without an external sponsor to protect them in case one party decided to exterminate the other. Sponsors like Jack Daniels and Russian Standard Vodka who take advantage of our geostrategic position.

The majority of Lebanese people have no independent thoughts or positions. 

The majority of Lebanese people are hairy.

Yes, I believe I can safely say this, because they are.

Look around you! Beards, goatees, mustaches, backs. 

Go back in history; they never had a word of their own, it was always hairy person sponsoring another hairy person.

Today, names may have changed, but the reality is the same. 

And given the circumstances, I believe it is highly unlikely that they will change.

So, I’m saying it simply, Lebanon is not a sovereign state and the Lebanese are not free people. They never were and never will be. Unless…

The only parties who do not have external sponsors today are the Hipsters. Because they like obscure local brands that make alcohol that tastes like cat piss. 

They are the only parties who own their word and it is up to them to save us all.

It is no longer a debate that the country’s confessional political system is the major source of malice and conflict. The only salvation is a secular and civil state whereby all Lebanese from all sects can wear skinny jeans and look good doing it.

Only the Hipsters can do it.

Only the Hipsters can demand this secular and painfully pretentious state.

Only the Hipsters can save Lebanon.

 

Note: This is a response to this absolutely horrendous article by an ignorant person ‘Only The Christians Can Save Lebanon’ 

13 Responses to “Only Hipsters Can Save Lebanon”

  1. Ranya
    January 14, 2014 at 3:30 pm #

    Hello,

    I would just like to point that this is actually a blog post.Below you can find the definition/meaning of a blog (According to Merriam Webster):

    blog noun \ˈblȯg, ˈbläg\
    : a Web site on which someone writes about personal opinions, activities, and experiences

    Thank you and have a wonderful day

  2. ninunina
    January 14, 2014 at 3:30 pm #

    you are brilliant Nasri! love

  3. Serene
    January 14, 2014 at 3:43 pm #

    Is this chick for real? As a “Lebanese Christian” it is highly offensive to read such asinine remarks from someone masquerading as an intelligent being.

    Yours on the other hand was a joy to read. (Googling “Pitchfork” as we speak…)

    (Also yes about the hairy part. Very true.)

  4. farah alhashem
    January 14, 2014 at 3:59 pm #

    only christians ? really is she trying to bring back another civil war ? whats up with that

    every political during civil war had it in their mind that they can save lebanon but at the end every side burned their area resulting burning the entire country ! ]

    what a shame to still witness such lebanese !!!!

  5. Omar H
    January 14, 2014 at 4:28 pm #

    mmm hair.

    I think this is the singular best feature of the lebanese population. Warm, fuzzy, tickly…grrrr

    Here’s to hair everywhere!

    Keep it Up ! :)

  6. Felix
    January 14, 2014 at 4:30 pm #

    What a great post…NOT

    You are Sir a Vulture of mainstream media, pretending to be the liberal savior , cultured kid on the block….

    I should introduce you to your Alter-Ego; GINO RAIDY

    You share same features;
    -Bearded
    -Overweight
    -Tasteless comments
    -Repetitive
    -Crowd Pleaser
    -Attention seeker

  7. Habib
    January 14, 2014 at 4:37 pm #

    Funny! Even funnier is that I got the same exact first comment on my post, looking at the Orientalist roots of Elali’s argument:

    http://www.beirutreport.com/2014/01/only-christians-can-save-lebanon.html?showComment=1389709455091

  8. Ranya
    January 14, 2014 at 5:06 pm #

    Disclaimer:

    I am glad that this post has generated such a debate, especially when many things were left unsaid. However, I would have hoped that the debate be more professional and not personal.

    I’d like to point out that this is not an article. This is a blog post and therefore it is an opinion, and opinions, as you all know, are a result of perception and experiences. I am entitled to an opinion that may differ from yours. We are all advocates of freedom of expression here, and an essential part of that is to respect each other’s opinions, even if one disagrees with the other.

    In an ideal world secularism is the best solution; however, we do not live in a utopia. Today, the majority of Muslims (and as I mentioned with the exception of a select few) follow their religious leaders and elect their sects’ representatives. These groups have regional sponsors involved in a proxy war and who as a result, have been pitted against one another. They do not have a final say in what is happening in the country, but on the contrary they find themselves compromising their beliefs and ideals, because sponsors may be brokering a deal at the moment.

    As opposed to the above, Christians today have no external sponsors, they have strategic alliances, meaning, they do not serve as a proxy to any international player. However, they have made the decision willingly to side with one party and not the other. I am not saying that the decisions they took in the past were the best, and I am not saying that they are making the right choices at this moment in particular, but what I am saying is that they can be taking choices which could possibly save Lebanon.

    So, if Christians came together and decided to push for a civil state, they can pretty much save us all.

    -Nadine Elali

  9. Joey Ayoub
    January 14, 2014 at 5:58 pm #

    I don’t know what annoys me most, Nadine Elali’s original post “Only Christians can save Lebanon” or her comment here.

    This shameless way of thinking has to be done away with. Khalass ba2a. Khalass khalass khalass.

    I’m an Atheist raised in a super Christian family. My first serious contact with Muslims wasn’t before my 16th year in this poor world of ours. As you might expect, I was carrying with me every possible post-9/11 brainwashed-induced stereotype one can possible carry. I never shared it out loud, but I always felt that Lebanese Christians were somehow “more normal” than Lebanese Muslims.

    All of that changed the year I met phalangists. Oh sweet Jesus. Give me your beard-iest Muslim and I’ll give you all the phalangists of my neighborhood. And even THAT is something we have to get rid of.

    I am tired of even hearing the word Christian or Muslim or Druze in sectarian context. You want to believe in an Abrahamic God? Be my guest. You want to put yourself above that other dude/dudette who believes in his/her own version of that same Abrahamic God? Fuck off.

    So no my dear Nadine, it is not true that only Christians can save Lebanon. In fact, a Sectarian Christian and a Sectarian Muslim are two sides of the same coin. Christians and Muslims and Druze and Atheists (HEY! WE EXIST) must come together and put away their petty differences.

    I wish you all the Muslim love in the world,

    Joey.

  10. Nisrine
    January 14, 2014 at 7:51 pm #

    Nadine, thanks for enlightening the ignorami amongst us on the definition of a blog. We are still struggling with papyrus and it’s not that easy to scroll.

    Merriam Webster just called to say they updated their insightful entries with an updated definition – A lame blog: where people voice their lame opinions.

    Just like wine and food (they are Christians you see), they recommend it to go with another useful one – getting over oneself: Critically reflecting on your opinions when people repeatedly trash them. It now officially replaces the ancient definition of passive/agressive: where you use a fake account to remind people of internet 101 terms.

    Getting over it and/or getting hold of a Politics 101 textbook would be a good start.

  11. Sophie
    January 14, 2014 at 8:32 pm #

    Hi Nadine/Ranya,

    Your article hasn’t generated debate. If it had, we would have seen articles defending your ludicrous argument cropping up in addition to the ones that are currently mocking and challenging it.

    What we have seen is an across the board dismissal of your absurd viewpoint. All you’ve generated is outrage.

  12. Marina Chamma
    January 14, 2014 at 10:48 pm #

    Couldn’t help myself from responding either, but not as hipster ;)

    http://eyeontheeast.org/2014/01/14/only-christians-can-save-lebanon-a-quick-response/

  13. ze.doude
    January 15, 2014 at 10:53 am #

    but you find more bald heads in lebanon than in most countries…
    or is it because hair tends to fall down and settle on the face – for the lebanese that is?

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